To The Numb Girl

Be Strong and Courageous are the words my Mother reiterated to me during all my challenging times in college. I heard those words and tried, but fear of the unknown still haunted me. I didn't know how to be strong and courageous when life's waves were pushing me down. I didn't know how to stand when all I wanted to do was to lay down in depression. I didn't know how to do anything but be numb. Numbness covered up the fears and left me stuck.

The numbness of my heart started as a child when things happened that I couldn't control so, going numb was easier than to actually deal with my life problems. The numb feeling left me in a state of "Nothing Matters". I wanted to be strong and courageous, but my coping mechanism kicked in and I found myself numb all over again. Getting stuck scrolling on social media or watching videos that were just killing time and keeping me from really pushing past my fears and taking ahold of my life.

I'm no longer facing those challenging seasons of college, but nonetheless, I still get overwhelmed by life, but those words come back "Be Strong & Courageous". That reminds me not run back and get stuck in the numbness, but to push past it and do what is helpful.

Push past the numbness or detrimental thoughts that keep you there.

"I'm not good enough"

"What if it never works out"

"Why do I feel so alone"

"I'll never lose the weight"

"I look so ugly in that photo"

"No one could ever love me"

"I am unworthy of love"

"God sees me as dirty and ugly"

We must take a stand to no longer accept the numbness that tries to handicap us, but pushes through in the Word and Know that the Lord is with You wherever you Go! (Josh. 1:9) I used to think that Being Strong & Courageous was to know the Word in and out and quote scripture for every challenging season. But true strength and courage are when you no longer run to your usual cop-outs or old devices. When you acknowledge that the habit is not God, but a coping mechanism. Change the words you speak to yourself which will Change your stance on life and will lead you to no longer going numb.

To the Numb girl... I am Her Too!