As a young girl with a lot of daddy-issues, I ran to relationships. They made me feel safe, they made me feel worthy and whole. I started really dating around 14 years of age, and never really stopped. All middle school, high school, and almost all of college, I was in and out of relationships. It never dawned on me that I could just take time off and be single.
However, when you begin to walk with God, the very thing you idolize, He removes! So, at 22 years of age I embraced singleness. After one more heartbreak, I knew I didn't need another man's arms, or another man's bed, but I needed God to heal me. I was shattered, I was depressed, I felt so unworthy, and I began having an eating disorder. I looked at food like the enemy and I hated myself. The once lively young woman became hard-hearted and lost.
As I embarked on my journey of singleness, I realized that all these issues, like the depression, eating disorder, and unworthiness, were always there. They were underlining issues I had for years, but in a relationship, it was easier to focus on someone else and not myself.
For the next five years I went on the journey of recovery and finding myself in God.
I decided to do the real work; work on myself, work on my fears, my inadequacies, my hurts, my trauma, and my beliefs.
Now, six years and two breakups later, I see how all my breakups have led me to a blessing.
First, breakups have taught me how to no longer make decisions based on loneliness, unworthiness, or daddy-issues, but based off of God's prompting, and if I actually, genuinely like an individual.
Second, breakups have taught me to have grace on others and myself. We are all walking and working out our differences in life. We all have bad days and we all need grace. It showed me how to be less critical and more gracious.
Third, breakups have taught me how to speak up for my needs and not shy away from them, being afraid to hurt or offend anyone. I learned I had a voice and I had needs that, when they weren’t met, I felt unappreciated and unvalued.
Fourth, breakups have taught me what I do not want in a relationship. From experience, I learned the caliber of men I wanted and didn’t want. I learned to keep the values and standards that God gave me.
Fifth, breakups have taught me to first be honest with myself so I can be honest with others. Before, I'd lie to myself and say I was happy or the relationship was fulfilling, when it really wasn’t. I’d get dragged to hell and back, all because I couldn’t be honest with myself.
Now, I can say this relationship is not God's best for me. I feel trapped, I'm unhappy, belittled, etc.
A breakup leads to blessings, because now you have experience and wisdom. Wisdom will keep you, guide you, and protect you! Just read Proverbs, it's all about wisdom.
My prayer is that anyone going through a breakup can begin to see the blessing and trust God. If it wasn’t for my breakups, I would not be doing what I am doing today. I wouldn’t be this bold woman of God and I wouldn’t be able to impact you all so much through my real life.
Now, I hope you see that you can go from a Breakup to a Blessing!
In the words of Arianna Grande, Thank You, Next!
"Look straight ahead; fix your eyes on what is before you. Watch the path of your
feet and all your ways will be established"