Sitting In the Wednesday night church service while a lady sings on the mic, a song I never heard before. I sit there feeling every inclination to stand, but the shameful, scared, afraid-to-be-judged me just sat. I could feel the Holy Spirit moving me to stand, but my mind would roam around the sanctuary wondering who all would see me and judge me.
Finally, as a young girl on the piano started to sing a beautiful song, I stood in eagerness without even a second thought. Before I knew it I was standing up on my feet and shouting “I am not Content, I want to go Deeper.” As I shouted these words, the Lord spoke to me.
“You’ve been too complacent… You haven’t expected me anymore… I remember when you daily expected to see me, but now you are complacent with your normal routine”.
These words hit me with a deep hurt.
The truth was my new job, auntie duties, dog mom duties, and ministry had kind of taken over my life. I loved God, but my hunger, fire, zeal, and expectancy were missing. By this time the entire church was praising, wailing, and shouting. While tears rolled down my cheeks, it had been a while since I cried before God. However, at this moment tears began to flow and my heart began to praise. The answer was given. The word and guidance I had been inwardly longing for were released. All I had to do was be obedient and stand!
That Wednesday night in an Oklahoma church, I was left speechless once again by a mighty powerful overwhelming loving Father.
Actually, it’s been even longer since I sensed His presence. Maybe, that’s why I wouldn’t stand, maybe that’s why I lacked peace, maybe my issues of the heart didn’t tie to my busy schedule or lack of guidance. Those were the external outcomes of an internal lack. I was lacking that presence and standing there in that small church.
I was left speechless.
I was coming to minister, but I got ministered, too. I was coming to heal, but I was healed. I was coming to give revelation, while I was given it.
As the service went forward I knew it was time for a shift in my walk with God. To go from the nervous, timid, insecure hidden young woman to a Daughter of Faith.
I was speechless because it no longer mattered about all the lacking in my heart. All I needed was Jesus, and since I had Him, all I needed was to trust Him right where I was at.
"A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders."